Two Sorrow Filled Letters

***Author’s note:

I struggled with whether or not I would even right this. The topic of abortion is always on my mind, but after what was being celebrated in New York recently, I knew I couldn’t keep silent anymore. So many have written much about all this and with words more eloquent and meaningful than mine. I decided to write these letters for two reasons. First, as is often the case for me, writing is a way for me to process my thoughts and emotions. The second reason is simply that this bothers me so much, I would be going against my own conscience not to write.

I have two questions, for all those who support abortion (and let’s all be adults here and not use soft, vague euphemistic terms), shall we? Let’s call it what it actually is, murder. First, using accurate words and descriptions, could you tell your own child, niece or nephew or student, about what you support? Could you tell them, in vivid accurate detail, what is done to the child? Could you tell them why it is done, not omitting the more selfish reasons like simply not wanting a child right now or not wanting one’s body shape to change? What would you answer if they looked at you and asked “Would you have done that to me?” Do you really think that they will feel any safer about the world simply because you or their parent chose, in this particular case, to let them live? Aren’t they lucky! Their brother or sister or friend’s sibling, might not be so lucky.

Second, why is at birth the cut off point? Why not after birth? What’s the difference? Why is that child’s life suddenly and mysteriously now valued, once they’ve come through the birth canal? If there ever comes a point where it’s decided that life can be ended up to some arbitrary time after birth, what’s to keep that time from growing? One day, one week, one month, one year, 5 years? Longer? Why stop at children?

End Author’s Note***

To The Unborn:

As a mother, it grieves and pains me that I even have to write this letter. I am so very sorry. Those words sound so shallow and useless and in the face of what is and has been happening for such a long time, I suppose that really is what they are. It truly sickens me that I have to say these things and stumble over my words, trying to find a way to apologize for how many of your lives, have been and are being, brutally cut short. And how can one, in any meaningful way, ever apologize for such an insane act of violence?

I am sorry! I am sorry that you are not valued. I am sorry that you are not seen as the blessing you truly are. I am sorry that you are not wanted, desired or deemed worthy of overcoming what difficulties might arise from your birth. I’m sorry that we, as a society, put our convenience, comfort and needs above yours.

I am sorry that your lives are ended due to the circumstances of your coming into being, your gender, race or medical diagnosis. I am sorry that your lives are ended, even when there are families who would love nothing more than to adopt you and make you a part of theirs. I am sorry that your lives are seen as expendable and not worth protecting. I am sorry that we, as a society, value puppies and kittens much more than we value you. I am so sorry that there are many who celebrate the end of your lives, as a freedom and choice of others to make. I am sorry that your mothers are not valued enough to be told the truth, that being your mother is the most beautiful and incredible and empowering gift they could be given! I am sorry that, while your mother’s womb should be the safest place you could be, it has become, for many of you, a place where your life was ended in methods more brutal than we would tolerate for animals.

I am trying. I want you to know that I will never stop fighting for you. Through my written words and what I say, I will do my best to make people acknowledge you and what is being done to so many of you. I will adopt as many as I and my family are able. I will not forget you. I will mourn for you, while many celebrate your deaths. I will mourn for the person you should have gotten the chance to be. I pray that God will break our hearts for what we are doing. He alone can forgive and restore us.

With grate sadness,

A grieving Mother

To Jon and Lexy:

My two wonderful children, I wish I didn’t have to write this letter to you. I pray that perhaps a day will come when what I say here will no longer be true in America, the place which we brought you, so that you could be a part of our family. I wish you would never have to learn what the word abortion means. Lexy, when you first heard of a miscarriage and came to understand what that meant, you were rightly, so sad. I hate that one day, probably all to soon, you will learn that many babies are killed on purpose.

I hate so much that you will learn that mothers and fathers, who should be doing everything in their power to keep their babies safe, are more often than not the ones who decide to end the life of their child. You will soon learn that there are doctors, who instead of helping people feel better, inflict severe pain on babies before ending their lives and cause much fear and discomfort to their mothers. You will soon see that so many people rejoice over these things. I’m so sorry that you have to grow up in a place where this is seen as liberating, open-minded and empowering for women. I am so sorry that you have to grow up in a place where life is not treasured and given the dignity it deserves. I wish you didn’t live in a country where we so regularly discard the most vulnerable members.

I want you both to know that this is not okay! This is not how God designed things to be! I want you to know that your father and I, and so many others, are not accepting this as normal. Just as your lives matter, so do the lives of all children and their parents. Both children and their parents, deserve so much more than these lies!

Jon and Lexy, we are doing all that we can. Now you may understand another reason why we are always talking about adoption. It is a way that we can do something to combat all this. I am so overjoyed that, in spite of their difficulties, your birth mothers didn’t listen to the lie. I’m so glad they chose to let you live; we would have been robbed of something so precious if they hadn’t.

I love you both so much! I pray that when you grow up, you will be champions of life. I pray that you will find ways to support and strengthen mothers, fathers and their children. I pray that you will value all life, as we are all created in God’s image. I will be there, right alongside you in this endeavor.

With Much Love,

Your Mother

What I Want My Daughter to Know About Being a Stay-at-home-mom

Dear daughter,

As you grow older, you’re going to hear a lot about what you should and shouldn’t do as a woman.  You’ll hear it from your friends, on the TV, radio and you’ll read numerous opinions all over social media (or whatever you’re using by then).  You’ll probably hear a lot of things said about being a mother, particularly a mother who stays at home with her kids.  As the one who freely made that choice, I’d like to share with you my honest thoughts on that life, and I hope they can be a help for you as you grow older.

Being a stay at home mom is not easy but, no matter what you may hear, neither is any type of work.  Every job has difficulties and frustrations. No matter what work you choose, there will be days when you just don’t want to do it.  Being a stay at home mom can be lonely sometimes, but everyone has seasons of loneliness; that is just part of being human.  Being a stay at home mom has its share of exhaustion and feelings of being overwhelmed, but these are periods of life that everyone must face.  Being a stay at home mom is quite repetitive at times, but every type of work has its repetition.  Repetition is a part of life, no matter what wishful thinking you may hear to the contrary.  In fact, repetition is built into the very world we live in; the sun rises and sets the same every day, the moon pulls on the tides the same way and the cells of our bodies grow and divide in the same manner every time.

As you grow up, you may hear that staying home with your kids is not good enough.  You may hear that you should be doing more with your life.  You may hear that, by “just staying home with your kids,” you are not doing anything to advance the cause for women.  You may hear that by choosing to stay home, you aren’t contributing to the family. You may hear that by staying home and raising your children, you are advancing and defending the patriarchy.  You may even hear that stay-at-home moms aren’t busy and are just lazy.  Please, my daughter, allow me to offer a different view for your consideration.

You see, in every type of work, there are many different roles.  Not every person does the exact same thing, but these differing roles complement each other.  Each role may have its own set of unique tasks, but each is vital to the other’s success.  The delivery driver for a restaurant does not keep the establishment running solely through his role as the one who brings in the needed supplies.  Are he and his role important?  Absolutely, but without a chef, servers, and dishwashers, just to name a few, there would be no restaurant needing his delivery services.  Do police officers and firefighters perform the same work? No, but I’d hate to live in a world without both of them present.

Your dad works hard for our family, and he earns the money, which provides us with a home, food, and clothes, among other things.  But, my dear daughter, who do you think is the one that manages all those resources?  In our family, who is the cook, housekeeper, laundress, bookkeeper, secretary, and (as I chose to homeschool) educator?  This is my special and, I believe, God-given role and I can’t imagine a more dignified, worthy and weighty cause than to be the one responsible for managing all the resources of our household.  By choosing to stay home, I have chosen the empowering role of being the one who holds our house together, by combining many different types of work.  If I had chosen to do any one of these same jobs outside our home, that sadly would be seen by some as being more honorable or worthy than doing all these jobs for my own family.  Both a provider of resources and a manager of those resources are needed for our household to not only function, but thrive.

I am thankful that I have the opportunity to know that you, your brother and dad are fed well, have clean clothes and live in a clean (most of the time) home because I am the one taking on those responsibilities.  I have been blessed with the chance to teach you and your brother about the amazing world that was made for us.  And let me tell you, there are days when it is quite empowering to think through the variety of unrelated tasks that I have managed to accomplish in one day.  There is nothing subservient or weak about such a feat.

Now, I know that you may not choose this course.  I also know that not every woman is able to make or wants to make this choice.  But I want you to know that it is a dignified, honorable, and strong choice!  Does it require sacrifice?  Most certainly! But anything worthwhile and lasting in life will require sacrifice.  Sacrifice, in and of itself, is not a bad thing.  You and the rest of our family are worth sacrificing for.  And through those sacrifices, I have discovered strength I didn’t know I had.  Thank you for giving me that opportunity.

How Do I Homeschool My Blind children?

I am asked quite often how exactly do I homeschool my kids? I think this is a fair question as they are both blind and so am I. The assumption that it would look a bit different is quite fair. However, when I am asked this question, I have found that what people usually mean by it is what program or curriculum do I use? After all, most homeschooling families either seem to have the one curriculum they swear by or will use one curriculum for certain subjects and another for others. I don't, as of yet, utilize any set curriculum, so this can make this a more difficult question to answer succinctly.

I suppose the best way I can summarize my current approach (that's one of the awesome things about homeschooling, I can be so flexible) is that I take each subject in turn and try and map out what aspects of that subject my kids, at their age and development level, need to know. This isn't set in stone, it can be changed if one or both seem to be struggling in a certain area of a subject. I then will buy, if need be, tactile tools to teach those aspects or utilize things I already have around the house. So in essence, I am not relying on an already prepared curriculum (although there is nothing wrong with those) but I am putting together one on my own and finding the right tools that will work well with my kids. Let me give a couple examples that I hope will make this a bit clearer.

Let's start with phonics. It was fairly easy for me to teach letter recognition and corresponding sounds. I bought tiles that have embossed print letters on them that can be felt. I also have various magnet letter variations, which help them in recognizing letters in slightly different forms.

Once they had the basic recognition and sound/s of each letter fairly well known, the next natural step seemed to be to then move to blends or combinations of letter sounds, such as cl or ch or st. Once this foundation was set, I could then move on to spelling, utilizing the knowledge we had worked on from the previous lessons. I teach these concepts very informally, often in game form and so far it is working quite well. Jon in particular, is a good speller. This progression from phonics to spelling then naturally moves on to reading, first simple words, then simple sentences. I do utilize resources on the internet, particularly for sentence samples or word lists, but I don't rely on them. I am putting it together from my own mental faculties and just what would be common sense for them to learn at their age.

I'll give one more example, geography. Now this may seem an odd thing for me to consider with my 5 year old, but I see no reason why she shouldn't start to have a grasp of the world. So I started with her a year and a half ago, just by memorizing states and capitals. We started with states that she had a connection to, such as where relatives lived or where we had previously visited. She would learn those and then ask me for more.

After a few months, I could tell she was getting bored with straight memorization, so out of curiosity to see if she could grasp this, I bought her a US puzzle map. I thought perhaps seeing the states in physical relation to each other would make this subject more interesting for her. I was, in this case, correct and she now knows well over half the map.

Neither of these examples are are the exact way I approach a subject each day. . I am finding it so far to be a very fluid approach and a lot of trail and error. I gage how well they are grasping a concept of a subject and I can either back off to a simpler/basic concept or move forward in that subject if need be. I imagine, as they get older, that I will eventually use an already prepared, written curriculum, but for now, I see no need. I enjoy the freedom of this method and while at times it is challenging to come up with the lessons on my own, it is stretching and growing me. I am finding I can teach on my own, putting together my own lesson plans. I am seeing progress, Lexy is starting to grasp braille. I have been working with her for almost a year and it has been so nice to not feel rushed or pressured by a set book and its pace. I don’t have to rush her to be at a certain point, that is very freeing for both of us.

What Homeschooling my Children Has Taught Me

One of the benefits of homeschooling my kids is that I get to essentially learn or re-learn things right along with them.  When we first made the decision to homeschool, I had figured this would be a nice bonus, but honestly didn't think I would be seeing the benefits of it so soon.  Let me tell you about three fun examples of what I have been taught so far while teaching my kids.  I'd love to hear from other homeschooling parents if they have had similar experiences.

One of the things I knew immediately that I wanted my kids to know was how to read print.  I planned to teach them braille as well, but I also wanted them to know the shape of raised/embossed print letters, like you often find on signs.  There is just so much practical benefit to this skill; I didn't want them to miss out.  I never learned this. I was taught braille very young but had no idea about print letters. Well, here was an interesting problem.  How could I teach my kids something that I didn't know myself?  The only solution was for me to learn this right along with them.

Now, this probably sounds like a huge undertaking.  But I've realized something awesome about homeschooling and that is, I don't have to know the whole of a subject to teach it to my kids. I basically just have to be one step ahead of them in the learning process.  So I would have my husband, Luke, teach me a few letters (we have various magnet letters and tiles that have raised print on them) and once I knew those well, I would then teach the kids.  Once they were on their way to mastering, let's say, a through d, I'd have Luke teach me a few more.  This system allowed me to teach them all 26 letters while learning it along with them.  It was actually pretty exciting.

After I had used this system for teaching Lexy, she and I had a very fun outing.  We went out and found embossed print on random objects in our neighborhood and we were both able to read it together!  Although, I'll confess, she did better than me at dealing with the different fonts.  I wasn't even bothered by that; I was just proud.  And as for myself, it really felt amazing to be able to read print!

Let's take a subject that I did learn in school, US geography.  I remember having to learn the US map by touch in fifth grade; I worked really hard to be able to do that for the test.  And I'm pretty sure I promptly forgot it almost immediately afterward.  Mrs. Tallman, if you ever read this, I’m sorry. :)  Well, I had started to teach Lexy about states and capitals, but after a few months of just memorization, I could tell she was quickly growing bored.  So, just to see how it would go, we got her a US puzzle map.  She really enjoys it and knows a good half of the US map.  But of course, I had to learn it before I could show her where all those states are in relation to each other.

So, you guessed it, Luke teaches me a few states at a time and, just like with the letters, it's working.  I really am enjoying re-learning the layout of our country. It just feels good to know this simple thing again.  I had always been hesitant about homeschooling because I didn't think I had the time to raise kids while learning an entire subject that was foreign to me.  But really, once I realized that I don't have to know the whole thing before they do, it really opens up so many possibilities.

For example, as Lexy began to dive into her US map, we thought, "what about expanding that knowledge base?"  She already knew the continents, so we found a Europe map puzzle.  I’m very sad to say that I’m a typical American and knew virutally nothing about European geography. Now, thanks to teaching my daughter, that is changing. It is seriously so cool, I mean, I now know that Spain is east of Portugal or that Bulgaria is north of Greece.  We are learning and discovering together and it is just so interesting.  I love being a part of my children's education, while also learning myself.  It is another way for us to connect.

One last example is numbers.  I don't mean arithmetic but simply recognizing the shape of print numbers.  That is something I did not know either before homeschooling, having only ever known braille.  It has been fun to teach them the numbers and now we can all recognize them in elevators or on hotel signs.  The best part is that these things have been just as useful for me to learn as they have been for the kids.  I don't feel like I am teaching them useless things; we are all learning practical skills that we all need.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of challenging homeschool days.  Even so, I am glad to be the primary educator of the family.  It is a joy to see them discover the world and even more fun to get to learn right along beside them.

An Overview of a Year: as Experienced Through Our Third Adoption Journey

When we started this third adoption process, we knew it would be an emotional experience.  Our last two were no exception, but we just didn’t realize the kind of emotions we would have to process this time through.  During our adoptions of Jon and Lexy, we dealt with the anxiety of waiting and the pain of separation in between trips.  We dealt with the concern over what our “normal” would now look like, once they both arrived.  This time around though, we have dealt with so much uncertainty and sadness.  My goal, as 2018 is ending, is for this post to be a remembrance for the kids we never got to know.  I also hope this will give you a very personal glimpse into the life of an adoptive family.  Maybe this will be a chance for you to learn about a different perspective and life perhaps from your “normal.” routines.

Around this time last year, Luke and I were in the living room of my family’s home in Florida.  We were looking at a profile of a little girl from an Asian country, named Chloe, who was blind.  We felt immediate concern for her but held back.  Jon had just come home three months earlier and we also weren’t sure we were financially settled enough to start another adoption.  So we delayed, but finally, in February, we contacted the agency that had her profile and started the process.  There was an immensely long unexpected wait for the authorities in her country to decide if they would consider our family, due to my blindness.  When they finally did, in April, we were ready.  We were ready to go through the country’s more stringent and frankly vexing requirements for Chloe’s sake.  The very next day, after we had just heard the positive news of our acceptance and readying ourselves, we were told Chloe would be given to another family.  We had been well warned of this possibility, but it still hurt.  The immediate thoughts of “what if we hadn’t delayed, back in December” pursued us relentlessly.  I still think of her and hope she is safe with her new family, wherever that may be.

Then, after taking some time to regroup, we went back to the agency through which we had adopted Lexy.  We were given the profile of the twins, Zoe and Madeline.  Now, the loss of Chloe, as hard as it was, at least made some sense to us now.  Surely, these were the girls we were supposed to adopt.  We were very familiar and comfortable with the country’s process, having gone through it two times before.  We were very certain that they could not be given to a different family, as we had adopted from the same country twice with no such experience.  Surely now, this would go smoothly.  Well in September of this year, a few days after our friends from church had just helped us organize a large garage sale specifically to raise money for our girls, the most unexpected news hit us out of the blue; the twins were not to be ours either.

Just a few weeks ago, we asked for more information about a little girl named Maggie.  However, after reading through her medical information, we learned that she suffers from seizures.  This was one of the few things, that we stated in our paperwork, we couldn’t take on.  As I am the primary caregiver and am totally blind, we just couldn’t do that for safety reasons.  The other issue we cannot make work is deafness, as communication with the majority of my family would be exceedingly difficult for a deaf child.  I wish I could explain in appropriate words how hard it was to make that phone call, saying that we couldn’t move forward with Maggie’s profile.  I know there was no moral guilt in that decision.  I know from a purely logical standpoint, we made the right choice, for her safety and for our entire family’s well-being.  But I still feel that I abandoned that girl; I found myself wishing that I wasn’t blind.  The agency already experienced great difficulty in finding a family for her (due to her many medical problems) and I hated that we were now just another number on that list.  Pray for Maggie.

So now, as this year draws to a close, we are not at all where I thought we’d be in this process.  I thought by this time we would have gone to meet our child for our first trip.  We don’t even have a child yet that we are fighting for.  We are just waiting.  We are waiting to finally be matched with a child.  All our paperwork is submitted and approved; there is nothing we can do to speed up the process.  So we wait.  While we wait, we think about these four girls that we lost for various reasons.  It grieves me that there is even one name on such a list, but for there to be four.  I just never saw that coming.  I had always known how blessed we were, in regard to how smoothly Jon and Lexy’s adoptions went.  Now, I truly am aware of how gracious and beyond kind God was to us.

But God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.  I know that these four girls are not lost to him; he has not forgotten them.  He has a purpose in all of these difficulties that our family has faced, and He also has a purpose for each of those girls lives.  God is sovereign over all things, and none of this slipped through his fingers.  I hold to that, whenever I start to think of those girls, and I wonder if there was something else we could or should have done.  I hold to that as I wonder what the new year will bring for us.

 Music is another passion of mine so I’m ending this post with two songs.  The first of these is in the above video.  This is a beautiful song, written by Rich Mullins, (but recorded by his friends after his sudden and unexpected death) that has really resonated with me as this year has progressed.  It is a song of raw emotion but also trust and hope.  I hope it will make you think and also bring you comfort, as it has done for me.

 The second song is one I first heard at church.  It reminds me of who is in control and why we are doing all of this to begin with.  It is one that I am planning to start playing every New Year’s Eve as a reminder.  Perhaps it can be that for you.

Christmas Time Reflections of an Adoptive Mother

I can’t believe it’s already Christmas eve, time sure goes by so fast! It’s also so hard to believe that I have been a mom for a little over 3 years now. In some ways, the time has flown by and in others, well not so much. I think how far my son and daughter have come in such a short time and I am so proud of them and thankful to God for His care of them. This time of year lends itself well to reflection and adoption sure gives one much to reflect upon.

This is our first Christmas, in quite a while, where we are not traveling. This has caused me to experience mixed emotions. On the one hand, I miss my parents, siblings and in-laws and want to see them, particularly around such a special time.  However, even stronger than my own feelings, I want my kids to experience Christmas around all the extended family. But on the other side, I am excited to discover what Christmas for just our little, immediate family looks like.

I think Christmas, and all its associated traditions of family, food, decorations and gifts is probably one of everyone’s fondest memories of childhood.  It is also, if we don't take a moment to pause, time which we can so easily take for granted. As I think back on my childhood and associated Christmas memories with my family (certain music, making the same desserts every year, smelling that breakfast casserole in the morning), I find myself thinking of my kids, especially my son. For the first eight years of his life, it is extremely likely that he never enjoyed any of those things that we can just assume is part of every child's experience around this time of year. He doesn’t have any of those special memories. He never had that anticipation; it was probably pretty similar to all his other orphanage days, with perhaps a couple pieces of candy thrown in.

But far more important than the fun aspects, I want them to know the true meaning of Christmas.  When I was growing up, we had the nativity scenes (which my mom and I had this continuous game of rearranging); we would talk about the meaning of it.  We would read the christmas narrative from the gospel of Luke before starting the morning festivities.  There was also our church's annual Christmas eve service.  I doubt either of my kids were told anything about who Jesus is or the reason why Christmas is so important.  I'm hoping to change that, too.

this is a new experience for both my kids.  I have been trying to find ways to give them those unique reminders that this time of year is different from all the other months.  It can be a bit tricky as, they are both blind, so they can’t just by default see the Christmas tree every time they run into the living room. I’ve had to find other ways, through sound and touch, to remind them that Christmas time is unique and special. We play Christmas music a lot, we’ve been making special Christmas candies (chocolate butterscotch peanut clusters, white chocolate covered peanut butter crackers, etc.), talking about Christmas dinner, decorating and of course the gifts under the tree. But even those gifts, which to most kids are the highlight, have taken some time to excite them. Just a couple days ago, Lexy came and asked me, for the first time, if she could “go look at the presents.” This simple act of feeling the packages and shaking them and trying to guess what they are, that seems so central to every kid’s Christmas experience, literally just occurred to my five year old daughter. Jon has not yet expressed any such interest. I am very hopeful that by next year, that will change for him.

Emotions are such a crazy thing. I find myself wanting to give my kids all they’ve missed due to their orphanage years. I want to somehow undo any negative things they may have faced during that time when they weren’t ours. I want to make up for all the missed opportunities, learning and experiences, but I know that isn’t fully possible. I also wish we had been able to adopt sooner and had somehow found these two when they were younger. Again, I know that isn’t rational or for that matter, healthy.  I also frequently think of Zoe and Madeline and wonder if they are home with their family by now. I hope so. Finally, I wonder who will be coming to join our crazy family; I wish we could send them a Christmas present. But in all this, there is one thing onto which I hold; I know that God is sovereign and His timing is perfect. So the best I can do is give my kids all that I can and pray that it will be enough. So, if you have kids or grand-kids or nieces or nephews, and you see them reveling in all the joy of Christmas, enjoy it with them for all it’s worth! And in the quiet moments, think of all the kids, here in this country and overseas, who won’t be enjoying this time. Consider if you could change that for one or multiple of those kids by this time next year. What a Christmas gift that would be!

Three Years Home: Lexy's Story

Today is a very special day for my family and my daughter in particular. Lexy has been talking about and waiting for this day for quite a while. She got to pick an activity; she chose to go to Jump Around Utah, a large bounce house. We assumed this would be her pick, as it combines climbing and jumping, two of her favorite things. She also got to choose a special dinner. In case you’re curious, she requested popcorn chicken, rice and baked beans. So why the royal treatment for this little girl today? Well, it’s because she has been home for 3 whole years now!

Many of you reading this may already know my children well. For those who don't, permit me a moment to tell you about my daughter. Alexandra (Lexy) Lee Wayne is 5 years old. She is brave, strong willed, smart and loves to climb everything possible. She is also a typical girl who loves shoes, clothes and to have her hair braided. She thoroughly enjoys her gymnastics class. She has shown a knack for learning piano, but at least for now, lacks any discipline to actually practice. When she is so inclined, she is an avid learner, particularly excelling in geography and grammar. Seriously, she can tell you what tense a verb is in, can diagram sentences (adverbs, adjectives, nouns and verbs) and can tell you the four sentence types. Of course, this all has to be her idea but when she cares to show off her learning, it is impressive. She bronzes beautifully in the sun, unlike her parents. She remembers everything we say and will remind us of that at highly annoying times. She can be surprisingly and extremely helpful to me in the kitchen or in everyday tasks of the home. She loves to spin and can do this for way longer than you think is healthy or even possible without getting dizzy.

This is a brief portrait of my crazy, wonderful and at times exhausting child. However, now I want to take a moment to tell you who she was when we first met her. I am telling you this for two reasons. First, so that you can truly get to know who this little girl is and how far she has come. The second, and I feel more urgent reason, is to further emphasize the need for families to adopt. I hope that this will show you the difference a family can make in a child's life and why the plight of orphans cannot continue to be ignored. These kids really matter. They don’t just matter enough for platitudes or likes on social media. They matter enough for concrete action on our part.

The following video was taken from our hotel in September 2015, when we first visited Lexy.

Lexy spent the first 17 months or so of her life in an orphanage, of which we know nothing about. We also know nothing regarding her birth parents, except that her mother may have use alcohol and that she left her at the hospital soon after she was born. When Lexy was around 18 or 19 months old, her orphanage closed down. She was placed in a foster home with two foster parents and a foster brother. We are so thankful for this, as being in a more family-like environment made a huge difference for her and made her transition to our home easier. We are so appreciative of Lexy's foster mother; she seemed to genuinely care for her. The family did not have much (we briefly saw their home and the room where Lexy slept), but her foster mother would take her to the park regularly and was kind to her. Her little foster brother loved her and would always give her huge hugs. If he had not already been adopted by Lexy's foster family, we would have tried to adopt him as well, to keep them together. When Lexy first came home, she would call out in Bulgarian (as we found out from some good friends who skyped with us) for “mother” and “brother”, asking to play. That was hard on all of us.

When Lexy came home , she was two and a half years old. She was not walking on her own (even though her legs were strong and sound), was not eating solid food (even though she had a full mouth of teeth), was not using the toilet and was not speaking at the level typical for her age. I am not saying these things to disparage her foster family, please understand that. Blind children are viewed there as much more disabled than is the reality; it is possible that her foster family believed she would not be able to walk on her own. As to the food, they did not have much, it was more affordable to keep her on cheap items, such as soup. It is understandable but still sad and not how it should be. When she came home she barely weighed 22 pounds. She now weighs 34 pounds and is very proud of that fact. And she eats like a horse and relishes almost any food.

Why am I telling you this? It is not because I am wanting to show what a great family we are and how far we have taken this poor girl. On the contrary, she teaches me so much everyday. I am telling all of this, in hopes of showing what a stable, loving, structured family and home life can do for a child. It is not easy by any means and some days are better than others. Children need family and structure and I hope this comparison of my daughter’s former and latter life proves that. Consider if you, as a foster parent or through adoption, could provide this change of life for a child. It can be a painful sacrifice on your part, as it is for me on many days, but it is so worth it!