I
can’t believe it’s already Christmas eve, time sure goes by so
fast! It’s also so hard to believe that I have been a mom for a
little over 3 years now. In some ways, the time has flown by and in
others, well not so much. I think how far my son and daughter have
come in such a short time and I am so proud of them and thankful to
God for His care of them. This time of year lends itself well to
reflection and adoption sure gives one much to reflect upon.
This
is our first Christmas, in quite a while, where we are not traveling.
This has caused me to experience mixed emotions. On the one hand, I
miss my parents, siblings and in-laws and want to see them,
particularly around such a special time. However, even stronger than
my own feelings, I want my kids to experience Christmas around all
the extended family. But on the other side, I am excited to discover
what Christmas for just our little, immediate family looks like.
I
think Christmas, and all its associated traditions of family, food,
decorations and gifts is probably one of everyone’s fondest
memories of childhood. It is also, if we don't take a moment to pause, time which we can so easily take for granted. As I think back on
my childhood and associated Christmas memories with my family
(certain music, making the same desserts every year, smelling that
breakfast casserole in the morning), I find myself thinking of my
kids, especially my son. For the first eight years of his life, it is
extremely likely that he never enjoyed any of those things that
we can just assume is part of every child's experience around this time of year. He doesn’t have
any of those special memories. He never had that anticipation; it was probably pretty similar to all his other
orphanage days, with perhaps a couple pieces of candy thrown in.
But far more important than the fun aspects, I want them to know the true meaning of Christmas. When I was growing up, we had the nativity scenes (which my mom and I had this continuous game of rearranging); we would talk about the meaning of it. We would read the christmas narrative from the gospel of Luke before starting the morning festivities. There was also our church's annual Christmas eve service. I doubt either of my kids were told anything about who Jesus is or the reason why Christmas is so important. I'm hoping to change that, too.
this is a new experience for both my kids. I have been trying to find ways to give
them those unique reminders that this time of year is different from all the other months. It can be a bit tricky as, they are
both blind, so they can’t just by default see the Christmas tree
every time they run into the living room. I’ve had to find other
ways, through sound and touch, to remind them that Christmas time is
unique and special. We play Christmas music a lot, we’ve been
making special Christmas candies (chocolate butterscotch peanut
clusters, white chocolate covered peanut butter crackers, etc.), talking
about Christmas dinner, decorating and of course the gifts under the
tree. But even those gifts, which to most kids are the highlight,
have taken some time to excite them. Just a couple days ago, Lexy
came and asked me, for the first time, if she could “go look at the
presents.” This simple act of feeling the packages and shaking
them and trying to guess what they are, that seems so central to
every kid’s Christmas experience, literally just occurred to my
five year old daughter. Jon has not yet expressed any such interest.
I am very hopeful that by next year, that will change for him.
Emotions
are such a crazy thing. I find myself wanting to give my kids all
they’ve missed due to their orphanage years. I want to somehow
undo any negative things they may have faced during that time when
they weren’t ours. I want to make up for all the missed opportunities, learning and
experiences, but I know that isn’t fully possible. I also wish we had been able to adopt sooner and had somehow found
these two when they were younger. Again, I know that isn’t
rational or for that matter, healthy. I also frequently think of Zoe and Madeline and wonder if they are home with their family by now. I hope so.
Finally, I wonder who will be coming to join our crazy family; I wish
we could send them a Christmas present. But in all this, there is
one thing onto which I hold; I know that God is sovereign and His timing is
perfect. So the best I can do is give my kids all that I can and
pray that it will be enough. So, if you have kids or grand-kids or
nieces or nephews, and you see them reveling in all the joy of
Christmas, enjoy it with them for all it’s worth! And in the quiet
moments, think of all the kids, here in this country and overseas,
who won’t be enjoying this time. Consider if you could change that
for one or multiple of those kids by this time next year. What a
Christmas gift that would be!
