1. Expect to be given little medical information about the child.
I am speaking here of simple medical information that we take for
granted. I can't count the number of times when taking Lexy or
Jon to the doctor, how often we would be asked things like what
medications they are allergic to, what their overall medical history
is or their family medical history. When we say that we do not
know, due to their adoption circumstances, my favorite response is
“well, didn't you ask those questions?” We answer this by
calmly explaining that yes, of course we asked, but we are given
little information in general and there is questionable accuracy as
to the few details we were given.
However, if you will allow me a moment of sarcasm, what I want to say
is something like... “Oh of course, how could we be so
forgetful? The mother who left our daughter at the hospital
soon after she was born, invited us over for dinner before we left
the country. She gave us a detailed background on her medical
history and that of extended family. And as for our son, when
they left him at the orphanage nine years ago, they wrote up a
detailed report before they left.” Thank you for indulging my
sarcasm. As you have gathered, these are the type of questions
that you unfortunately rarely have the answers to. Often the
profiles you receive are vague regarding medical history and birth
families, and what is written there may not even be accurate.
This conversation usually happens to us every time we take our kids
to urgent care or to a specialist; we are met with perplexed looks or
sometimes condescending glares. Sadly, a lot of medical issues
you have to find out on your own, once your child is home. It
can be a bit overwhelming at first, but finding a good primary care
physician (which I am happy to say we finally have) can make a huge
difference.
2. Jet lag is a force to be reckoned with but don't let it stop you from experiencing the country.
Seriously, jet lag is an insane entity all its own. We had no
idea what we were dealing with. When we traveled to meet Lexy,
for example, we were allowed to see her each morning through the
early afternoon. We would be dropped off at our hotel around 3
pm. And for the next 5 hours, everything we would do was designed to
keep us awake. All we wanted to do was sleep, but if we went to
bed that early, it would be even more terrible.
So we walked around the town, stopped at shops and ate way too much
incredible food. I'm sorry America, but we just don't know how
to make chocolate here. My mouth is watering just thinking
about that country's chocolate, not to mention cheese. We
thought though that as the week went on we would grow accustomed to
the 9 hour time difference, no such luck. As we flew back to
the states at the end of the week, we had a long layover in
Philadelphia. After killing time fruitlessly trying to find an
authentic Philly cheese steak place in the airport; we just went and
found a quiet corner to take a nap. I used my purse as a
pillow. While under normal circumstances this might seem like a
reasonable idea, these were hardly normal. I was so unspeakably
tired that I forgot the bag in question contained a large cheese that
some friends had given us before we left the country. I vaguely
remember wondering as I dozed off why the bag was so soft and
comfortable... Needless to say, the cheese was rather misshapen
when I awoke. I had really been looking forward to eating it,
not to mention sharing it with all my friends. But as tired as
we were, I am so glad we still made ourselves get out and see where
we were. I would encourage everyone to do the same and if you
are traveling to a country in Europe, buy as much chocolate in local
shops (not the airport) as you can carry.
3. According to the files and orphanage staff, every child is just perfect
Allow me to clarify here. There seems to be a pattern, whether
you are reading an adoption profile on a website or in the country
speaking with the orphanage staff, that every child in question eats
fine, sleeps perfectly throughout the night, never gets upset and is
just a wonderful specimen of a human being. We found this to be
true with both Jon and Lexy's caretakers. I imagine the main
reason for this is the fear that if truthful, negative information is
given, the couple will change their minds. It makes me so sad
every time. I wish they would believe us that we have no intention of
backing out. However, it really would be so helpful to know the
true character or issues that our child might have. It could only
help us be better parents. Sadly, just like with the medical
information mentioned above, you get the fun of discovering all your
child's behaviors and issues firsthand. But I suppose that is
pretty typical of parenting; you don't get a detailed manual about
the child before they are born either.
I hope that these lessons from our adoptions have been useful to
you. If you or someone you know is considering this, we would
be more than happy to help however we can.
