This is one of those emotional posts to write. As a mother, I
try to balance my maternal desire to protect my kids from all
discomfort with the realization that life is not always easy and they
need to learn how to deal with life not being fair. That said,
I feel this is something I can speak to without crossing that line of
coddling my children, or at least, I certainly hope you would all
agree. I want to talk about how sighted kids interact, or to
the point, often don't interact with my blind kids.
Let me try and explain. My kids are not as fast as sighted
kids. Now, from a selfish standpoint, sometimes that is nice
for me. They can't run away from me, and they often avoid much
mischief only because they just don't know something is available to
destroy. But this also makes it more complicated for them to
play with sighted kids who can freely and quickly run throughout the
house or playground. My kids can't just take off with them, at
least, not without help. I often see that my kids are excluded
from much of the play that occurs, not due to any conscious
ill-intent by the other kids, but perhaps just due to not being aware
of this fact and its consequences. As a result, they often end
up just playing with each other and not getting to interact with
others.
Now let me be clear about what I am not saying here. I
am by no means saying that sighted kids should cease all physical
play when my kids arrive. I am not saying that they should only
be playing in ways that are the easiest for my kids. I am not
saying that the world revolves around them. Despite my best efforts, they already think it does enough as it is. :) But what I am
saying is a few things that I hope will give you an idea of where I
am coming from on this matter.
I am asking you, parents of sighted kids, to try and teach your
children about differences. Try and explain (in my kids' case)
that blindness makes it harder, not impossible, to run or be as
active without help. Tell them that my kids still love to play
just as much as they do. Offer them suggestions about how to
bring my kids into their physical/active games. Especially in
Lexy's case, my girl loves to run and climb. Talk to
your kids about something as simple as walking up to her and saying
“Hi Lexy, it's so-and-so, we're playing tag, want to run with
me?” or “Hi Lexy, we're playing hide and seek, want to help
me look for everybody?” I am very sure she would heartily
agree!
In Jon's case, as he is less mobile, “Hi Jon, we're playing hide
and seek, want to help me count?” Or “Hey Jon, we're going
to play music and dance, want to come?” Even if he didn't
dance, he would still enjoy the music and would probably clap or
otherwise keep good rhythm. Let's go beyond games. Try and teach your
kids to just come over and strike up a conversation. Jon loves
to talk and wants to be social; he just needs encouragement from
others. I am trying to teach social skills; I often give them
ideas of things to talk about with other kids, depending on the
context of where we are going. This can't work if no one will
talk with them.
Please explain to your kids about eye contact and that, due to
blindness, my kids can't look them in the eyes, but that doesn't mean
they don't want to talk with them. Often, I'll hear my kids
saying something presumably to a child whose voice they've
recognized, (or introducing themselves to a child they don't know) but since they can only look in their general direction,
the person they were addressing has left before the full sentence was
out. As a side note, this still happens to me, I'll be in
conversation with someone and they have to quickly step away and I
don't realize it. I take no offense to it, but it can be
awkward at times. If someone is able to tell me that they will be right back, it is always appreciated.
Please explain that they could, once in a while, consider other
activities that my kids could more readily participate in, such as
blocks or Legos or coloring (yes, my kids love to color, isn't that
cool?) I have known many awesome families who have done this,
and it is the most wonderful thing to see. And my kids love it and
remember it. :) Thank you to those who have, you don't know the
joy it brings to me as a mother to see my kids playing like that.
I am thankful that in elementary school, I rarely remember feeling
rejected by my peers. That changed entering middle and high
school. Now, to be fair, some of that was due to the general
self-imposed ridiculousness and drama of teenage years, but I do
think that some of it was due to my blindness. I don't want my
kids to always have that hovering over them. I want them to be
confident children and adults and to learn how to interact and do
well in a sighted world. But they can't do this alone and I can't
teach them alone. I need your help. It's not my place
to come and try and interject myself
into your kid's life in that authoritative, teaching way. Come
alongside me and teach your kids beforehand, just as I try and teach
mine about interacting and social skills, so that our teaching
efforts will work together. If you homeschool, incorporate this
kind of thing into your weekly routine. Let's get together, as
much as is possible, so our kids can all learn and interact
together. This will not just be doing a service for my kids but
will be of value to yours as well.
