When
I am dealing with or trying to process hard emotions or thoughts, I
have found that writing really is an aid to me in this endeavor So
when I learned of the death of a dear, believing family friend, and as I have also been thinking of many christian friends who are dealing
with their own losses ,my first impulse was to sit down and write.
It has been a week; I have found that this has been much harder to
write on than I expected. I think that we could all agree that our
society in general doesn’t like to talk about or really deal with
grieving. But sadly, I think this could be said of many Christians
as well. This caused me to think about a lot of questions regarding
the place true grief has in a Christian’s life.
How should I, as a Christian, feel about death? How should I see it? What feelings am I allowed to have about it? Is it okay to grieve, even if the person gone was a believer? Does our hope in the resurrection negate or keep us from truly grieving? Are we downplaying the amazing hope of the gospel if we are literally mourning?
I think these are questions we shouldn’t be afraid to think about and discuss with each other. There seems to be this idea that goes something like this. Since we know, as believers in Christ, that He at the end of all things overcomes death and sin, that this understanding should cause us to grieve less. Or at the very least, it should make our grieving less painful. Some might even venture to say that we shouldn’t really be all that sad, since, if the person we lost was a believer, then they are with the Lord and we will see them again in eternity. And besides, they are much happier anyway. Yes, those are absolutely beautiful and wonderful truths and we should cling to them. They should give us hope and an anchor for our souls but I don’t believe, and don’t see from a biblical standpoint, that this disqualifies us from feeling and experiencing our grief. I also don’t see that the comfort we have in Christ puts a time limit on our grief either. In other words, it’s been 6 months, your trust in Christ and the resurrection means you should be moving on by now. I think sometimes, as Christians, if others see us truly mourning, we are afraid that this will somehow dampen our witness for Christ.
As I read through 1 Corinthians 15, I am always struck by the beautiful words of comfort. As believers in the finished work of Christ, we know our weak, decaying bodies will be replaced by glorified ones:
1
Corinthians 15: 42-45, NASB
42 So
also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown a perishable body,
it is raised an imperishable body; 43 it is sown in dishonor, it
is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power;
44 it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. If
there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body.
This
is definitely something we should find joy and comfort in, but when
will this happen? Paul tells us a few verses later:
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Corinthians 15: 51-57 NASB
51 Behold,
I tell you a mystery; we will not all sleep, but we will all be
changed, 52 in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last
trumpet; for the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised
imperishable, and we will be changed. 53 For this perishable
must put on the imperishable, and this mortal must put on
immortality. 54 But when this perishable will have put on the
imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will
come about the saying that is written, “Death is swallowed up in
victory. 55 O death, where is your victory? O death, where is
your sting?” 56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of
sin is the law; 57 but thanks be to God, who gives us the
victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
When
will this happen? Later, in the future, whether soon or much later,
we don’t know. But death is not yet defeated, at least, in our
current experience. Death has taken someone from us and it shouldn’t
be this way. Death, for the believer, will ultimately be crushed and we know that for certain.
But right now, when we are dealing with the loss of someone we dearly
loved, we are not seeing that victory firsthand. We are not yet in
eternity with that person and our Lord. We are still missing that
person, the sound of their voice, their affection or the ways they
could make us laugh. We don’t have those things right now. We are
still waiting for that ultimate victory to come and praise God that
it will!
But in the meantime, while we wait, we can and should grieve. In fact, Paul in the letter to the church at Rome, acknowledges that mourning will happen. This is after he has spent the first 11 chapters outlining the wonderful and amazing truth of the gospel. Chapter 12 is a sort of “now what?” moment, now that I know all this, what do I do with it? How do I live out this faith with one another? Romans 12:15 (NASB) Paul says “Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.”
Notice
Paul doesn’t say try and convince your fellow Christians not to
mourn or limit your mourning etc. No, he simply says to
grieve with those who are hurting. Mourning is not wrong and it does
not undermine God and His work. It is a part of this world, that is
still in sin. We can grieve while we eagerly await with joy the
fulfillment of Christ’s promises. But this joy and eagerness do
not need to compete with our grief.
One last example, again from Paul’s letters:
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Thessalonians 4: 13-18 NASB
13 But
we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are
asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope.
14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God
will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. 15 For
this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and
remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have
fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven
with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of
God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are
alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds
to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord.
18 Therefore comfort one another with these words.
Notice
Paul doesn’t say so that you will not grieve. He doesn’t end the
sentence there. He qualifies it, saying so that you will not grieve
like the rest who have no hope. Yes, we will still grieve, but with
hope, but still with grief. One doesn’t negate or exclude the
other.
I don’t think, myself included, we know how to mourn and lament anymore. We don’t know how to express and face our sadness. We want to do things to make it go away faster like eating or going on expensive trips etc. We want to rush through our grief as fast as we can. As believers, we shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed to bring our grief to God and to each other. Read the Psalms or Job. Let’s reclaim the rite of grieving, while we also rejoice in the hope of Christ and His resurrection!
