Five Things I've Learned from Homeschooling

My mother decided to homeschool my brother and sister after they finished 5^th grade.  I was just about done with high school by that point, but I remember being quite jealous.  However, I had wrong notions of homeschooling and imagined much relaxation and little actual academic development.  I am glad to say my mother did a wonderful job and my sister is now an RN and my brother works in Waste Water Management (we should all be very thankful for those men and women, by the way).  We made the decision to homeschool our kids early on and I am glad we did.  It has been and still is quite an interesting endeavor, to say the least.  So here I write about five things that I have learned so far in my two and a half years of homeschooling my two crazy and wonderful children.  I hope you will find them interesting and perhaps helpful if you are also a homeschooling parent.

Kids really can learn more than we give them credit for

This has been the most fascinating fact for me personally so I thought I would start with this point. When I think back on my own school experience, the thread that runs through the whole event is that you learn certain subjects only at certain ages and/or grade levels.  It has been exciting and challenging to force myself out of that paradigm in regards to my own children. Let me give you an example.

When I first began to teach Lexy, we worked on things one would expect, such as recognizing letters, learning letter sounds and counting.  I started to wonder though, could she perhaps grasp concepts that we just assume she can't learn because she is so young?  I saw no harm in attempting this.  If she didn't understand the concept, no problem, it could wait. So, I started to show her, through hands-on physical examples, the difference between nouns and verbs.  I am amazed and proud to say that within a couple weeks, she was correctly identifying words as nouns or verbs and could give me her own examples of each.  I was intrigued and started to move on to slightly more nuanced concepts, like pronouns, adjectives, and adverbs.  We are currently working on verb tenses and sentence types.  She can now accurately diagram a sentence, which I would never have thought a 5-year-old capable of until now.  She doesn't grasp all these concepts flawlessly, but it is evident that she is understanding them and she only improves the more we practice.  This experience has shown me that kids are inherently capable of learning more than we think.  We need to give them more credit and not be afraid to challenge them. This does not mean, of course, that we ought to aggressively push kids too quickly into concepts they are genuinely not ready for, but they deserve the chance to show us whether or not they are ready, and they can often handle more than I expected!

Flexibility is a wonderful benefit

When I first started homeschooling, I had it in my head that I NEEDED to have the schooling done in the first part of the day, before lunch.  Why did I think this exactly? I am not entirely sure.  Well, I soon saw how often that just wasn't going to happen. However, once I realized that it really was all right and not the end of the world if we did some schoolwork at other points in the day, my life became much less stressful.  I have actually found that breaking it up throughout the day sometimes leads to overall better attitudes on the kids' part (note, I did say sometimes).  It is exciting, though, to have the freedom to work around the day's schedule and not have the schooling aspect control the whole life of the family.

Physical activity is so helpful for my kids’ sanity and, by extension, mine

We have a swing, slide, teeter-totter, and small trampoline on our porch.  I have utilized all of those recreational objects in the quest for knowledge.  Sometimes we will go outside and they can jump on the trampoline while they answer spelling or phonics questions.  We have also done games where, if they get a question right or recite their memory work correctly, they get x minutes on the slide or swing.  It is just such a fun and amusing way to let them get some energy out while not entirely abandoning the pursuit of learning.  I have even had games where, if they did their work well, they would have the chance in between problems to run down the hallway x number of times while pretending to be a farm animal or vehicle of some kind.  This game lets them get energy out while having the added bonus of being entertaining for me.  That is a blessing, particularly in winter when the porch is not as pleasant. 

The smallest change can sometimes make a huge difference

In order to illustrate this point, I have to give a bit of a backstory.  I work with Lexy and Jon on math by using various shaped beads. I will, for example, put 10 in a bowl and then tell them that I now want there to be 12, or only 5, etc.  They then either have to take a certain amount away from the bowl or add to it from the pile.  Well, just the other day, I told Lexy that this time I was going to use a cereal bowl instead of the one we had previously been using for our “bead math.”  This literally resulted in leaping and giggling.  I have also changed up the math game with magnets, which Jon in particular really enjoys.  Sometimes it doesn't take much, I just have to be willing to get out of my rut and be a bit more inventive, which is good for all of us.

Competition is a great motivator

Lexy is not a fan of math.  This is ironic, because she has a fascination with astronomy (more on that in an upcoming post) and she tells us on occasion that she wants to be an astronaut and go into space.  We keep telling her that she'll have to improve at math in order to do that.  Anyway, we started playing a math game, where the child that answers the question first, gets a point. We play to x number of points.  Lexy clearly knows more than she lets on, and it comes out when the reward is beating her brother.

Homeschooling certainly has been challenging and, at times, downright frustrating.  But it has also been a lot of fun.  I enjoy watching my kids learn about the world and how it works.  It is exciting to be an integral part of their discovery and even on the worst days (and their worst attitudes) I wouldn't change it.  I'd love to hear from my readers who homeschool or have in the past.  If you have things that you have learned from the experience, pass it along.  I love sharing homeschool stories and experiences.

Why International Adoption?

I thought I would use this post to answer a question that we are asked rather frequently.  This question is “why did we decide to adopt internationally, rather than from the United States?”  Now, I think this is a completely logical and reasonable question for one to ask and I have no objection to it.  In fact, we as a family do not mind questions related to adoption or blindness issues and are happy to answer them.  Now, before answering this particular question, I feel I need to make one clarifying point before I give my answer.  We chose one route of adoption but I in no way perceive one way as superior over another.  All children, whether in the US foster system, an orphanage in another country, or through a private adoption of an infant, deserve to be in a loving and stable home.  The method pursued to adopt does not make a difference; there is not a best way to adopt and then second best options.  I am always overjoyed to meet others who are pursuing adoption, in whatever form that takes.

But, returning to our question, when we first started to seriously consider adoption, we had not honestly even thought of the idea of adopting internationally.  It wasn't on our radar; we were looking into domestic adoptions through either the foster care system or private agencies that work with mothers who desire to have their babies adopted.  We assumed international adoption was too expensive and just not really an option for us.  This perspective changed when we had dinner with some good friends of ours.  They pointed out that we might want to consider overseas adoptions, as special needs children often are not adopted in foreign countries by native citizens.  They then went on to point out that there were probably a lot of blind children who might not otherwise be adopted and that, given my blindness, we would be in a positive and unique position to benefit them.

I have to admit, this caught us off guard, but in a very positive way.  It seemed like such an obvious point, but somehow it had never occurred to us before.  We discovered that our friends were correct.  As we began the adoption process for our daughter, we were told by our caseworker that blind children are significantly less likely to be adopted and this only increases as they get older. (this is also true of deaf children).  This was again echoed by a caseworker from another agency as we began the process of adopting our son.   Our worker, in a frank conversation, told us that there were three factors stacked against him for adoption, he was a boy, was 8, and he had multiple disabilities, one of them being blindness.

We also had this trend confirmed through some friends of ours who are from the same eastern European country as our children, but live in the United States.  They told us that it was almost unthinkable that a native, resident citizen of said country would adopt a blind child.  They also have told us that we have no idea the hardship and deprivation our children would have faced if they had remained orphans in that country.  Our friends indicated that this would only grow worse as the kids grew older.  We saw a small glimpse of this harsh reality when we went to visit our son; he was the only actual child in his orphanage.  The others were not, in fact, children but adults in their twenties.  We did not realize this until we were told, as due to malnutrition and other negative environmental factors, they were small and looked like children.  This broke our hearts and gave us a glimpse of what would have awaited him if he had remained there.

As we have come to understand and realize all this, we continue to pursue overseas adoptions, specifically seeking special needs kids.  Now, please do not misunderstand me, I am not saying that a child raised in the US foster care system has it well or easy.  That is certainly not the case! I worked in that system and I can still tell you all the names of the kids I worked with and all they had to deal with, much of which would make even many adults crumble.  However, a blind child born or placed in the US foster system will still have access to all the incredible adaptive technology, will be taught Braille, and will receive orientation and mobility instruction, all through the schools and state agencies for the blind.  They will be literate, able to use computers and other technologies and will be able to navigate the world either with a cane or guide dog.  They will be at a much better advantage than their counterparts overseas.  Furthermore, as many in the US are aware of all the advances in technology, the prevalence of Braille and travel methods, it is more likely that a blind child in the US would be adopted. 

If anyone is considering adoption through the foster system, don't overlook special needs children.  There are so many services and technologies available to them and to you to empower them to live the fullest life possible.  They need loving homes just as much as those overseas.  For our part, though, we desire to be a family for children outside the United States who have harsher odds stacked against them.  Our son, for example, was 8 when he came home.  When we asked the staff at his orphanage what he did in school, their answers were vague and not very helpful.  I grew up in the public school system and had taken it for granted that braille instruction and cane travel are automatically given.  This was not the case for our son nor is it for the majority of blind orphans overseas. We want to help however we can and right now for us, that means continuing to adopt internationally.

I hope this answered the question for those who have asked and has also given you a perspective on international adoptions that perhaps you had not held before.  My hope, though, is that you read this and come away with the realization of the importance and need for families to adopt in general.  There are so many hurting children, whether they be right here in our country or many miles away around the world.  There is plenty of need for all of us to meet, whatever form that takes.  If you have any questions regarding how international adoption works (as that is the avenue I am most familiar with) please contact me; I would be more than happy to help in any way I can.  This need is too great to ignore and these children deserve more than just our pity.  They deserve our action.

Our Story

***Our story has changed since this was first written.  We sadly now cannot adopt the twins mentioned and pictured below.  We are still planning to adopt, but we are now waiting to be matched with another child or children.  If you want to know more about what happened, click here.***
So if anyone is going to take some of their valuable time and read another blog, it seems fitting that they should know a bit about the blogger. My name is Ashley; I am a 35 year old wife and mother. I am also a Christian and this view of the world influences and shapes all areas of my life and thinking. I have an MSW from Florida State University; I have lived in Florida, Louisiana, Missouri, Kansas and currently reside in Utah. I have worked as an adaptive technology instructor, a summer camp director, a social worker at a group home for children in foster care and a case manager at a family homeless shelter. I have two children and have two more on the way. Oh and I am totally blind; my two children are both blind. One of the two children that will be joining our family soon is blind. My husband, however, is sighted, which puts him in an amusing position at times. We keep him around for driving, color identification and for removal of insect pests from our home. In all seriousness though, I can't imagine life without him. He (Luke) works from our home as a writer and researcher and is a devoted husband and father. He has some amusing stories as to what it is like to be the only sighted member in a household, which I am sure he will share at some point.

So how did my husband find himself in this unusual position? Well, about two and a half years ago, Luke and I finally did something that we had long wanted to do. We started the arduous international adoption process and in December of 2015, we brought our daughter Alexandra (Lexy) home from eastern Europe. We were specifically considered for her because of my blindness; it was felt that our family would be in a unique position to work with and help her. She is now 5 but thinks she's 15 and loves gymnastics, climbing and jumping.

We had not intended to be a household of primarily blind members but in 2016, some good friends of ours sent us a profile of an 8 year old boy from the same country as Lexy. He was blind and had a mild case of cerebral palsy. While we were still adjusting to life with Lexy, and she to us, we knew the adoption process takes a long time, usually a year and a half. We would have time to work through our adjustment period. So in September 2017 Jonathan (Jon) came home. He spent the first 8 years of his life in an orphanage where he was usually left sitting on a couch with only a TV or radio for hours at a time. He was not walking and could not even stand up without support. He has made amazing progress since he has been with us and we are so proud. He is now able to stand up on his own, walk without support climb stairs, and jump, usually without a fall. When he does fall, he has learned how to improve his balance and thankfully it is a controlled fall. He is enjoying piano lessons; we discovered he has perfect pitch and an ear for harmonies.

 

Our story is now in its next chapter; we are in the process of adopting 3 year old twin girls, also from the same country. Zoe is sighted (I think Luke is happy to not be the only sighted family member anymore) and Madeline is blind and is sadly still not yet walking or speaking. We do not yet know the reason for this but it does not matter. We are excited for them to join our family and as every parent is before new arrivals, utterly terrified. So by this time next summer, there will be six of us and four will be blind.

So now to the next question that some may be asking, why am I writing a blog? There are so many grate family blogs out there, why add another one to the ever growing mix? Well the main reason is really the last sentence of the previous paragraph. Our family situation is unusual and when we tell our story on Facebook, we receive much positive and interested feedback. It seems that maybe our story and perspective might be interesting and perhaps helpful or useful to some. Luke and I are often asked questions about our family and situation, which is completely understandable and reasonable. I thought this blog might also be a good place to try and answer some of them.

And now to the last question that might be wondered, what will this blog actually be about? Well again one purpose will be to answer questions that we have often heard or others that may come up as our unique family continues to grow. I also hope this blog can be a way for me to share my perspective on adoption related issues, faith, homeschooling topics and family life in general, and any other random topics that come to mind. I will be writing from my perspective as a Christian, and a blind mother raising blind children and Lord willing soon, a sighted child as well. My goal is for some posts to be lighthearted musings of life as a mother and some to be dealing with more, I hope, thought provoking topics. If you have read up to this point, thank you so much. I hope you will continue to read on as I will be updating this weekly. If you have any questions (related to international adoption or blindness issues) that you would like me to answer here, feel free to contact me; I look forward to sharing my crazy life with all of you.