Before I actually had kids of my
own, I thought of motherhood as primarily a teaching role. This
seems laughable now, as I have very quickly become aware of how many
different and unrelated tasks I have to keep up with every day.
I suppose this fixation on teaching came from all I remembered my
mother doing to prepare me for life and how she tried to make any
mundane experience a teaching moment. I intellectually knew
that motherhood involved so much more than the teaching component,
but for some reason, this was where my focus rested. Before I
actually became a mother, I was often worried about how I would go
about teaching my kids. There were so many facets of living,
how could I accurately and diligently cover them all, without making
life utterly boring for my poor children? I’d spend time
thinking about what life lessons were essential. I was
concerned, not sure if I was really cut out to navigate them through
the craziness and complexity of life. I found myself worrying
about everything from teaching them how to handle unkindness from
others, money management, generosity, cleanliness, and everything in
between. Needless to say, all that planning and pondering
accomplished little. When we first brought our daughter home
three years ago, it didn’t take me long to realize that, while I
did have a responsibility to teach her about the world and how it all
works, she (and her brother, who soon followed, would be teaching me
just as much. These are lessons I am still in the process of
learning each day.
I am slowly learning that time
together is more important than tasks. I quickly found as a
mother that, if I’m not careful, I can spend all my time doing
things for my kids instead of simply doing things with
them. It is so easy to become focused on the tangible
tasks, like making sure their clothes are always clean, making sure
they have good food to eat and making sure that their rooms are kept
tidy. While these things are important, I can’t let them keep
me from just playing with my kids, even if it is in their messy
rooms. They value time with me, and I need to honor that.
They would rather play "Connect 4" or tag then have dinner
be punctually on the table by 6 P.M every night. When I do slow
down (regrettably less than I wish), it’s amazing what ends up
happening. The tasks still get done, just a bit later than
normal, and they and I thoroughly enjoy our time together!
Overall, that day is less stressful, and the kids are even
somewhat better behaved.
I am learning that I need
others. I was born blind, and as I went through middle/high
school and college, I found myself feeling that I had to do it all.
I had to prove that blind people were just as capable as anyone else
in literally everything. I felt that, if I didn’t do this, I
was giving all blind people everywhere a negative reputation.
Needless to say, this attitude was exhausting and untenable long
term. Parenting has quickly removed any last remnants of that
way of thinking from me. We all need each other. We need
each other’s wisdom, strength, encouragement, accountability and
kindness. I can learn just as much from another sighted parent
or one who is blind like I am. Parenting shouldn’t be a solo
effort. All that will do is exhaust us, and our kids will feel our
exhaustion and think that they don’t need others either.
I am learning, and this is the
hardest for me because it hits my pride, that I am not the person I
thought I was. If you had asked me before kids came along, I
would have said I figured myself to be a fairly low-key person.
I didn’t get easily upset, wasn’t petty, was fairly patient and I
wouldn’t have really described myself as selfish. Well, the
constant needs of my children and the physical and emotional demands
of being a mother have shattered all my delusions of grandeur in
regards to my wonderful personality. I quickly discovered, to
my shame, that I am the opposite of who I thought I was.
However, I have found that God, through my children, is turning even
this into a beautiful new opportunity and yes, another teaching
moment.
I am learning about forgiveness.
My kids are so quick to forgive and continue on as if nothing
happened. They are so quick to look past my short temper and
frustrated, hurried answers, as I struggle to fold laundry and make
dinner. This constantly reminds me that there is another chance
and that God is using my kids to grow and drastically change my
character. It is a beautiful and frightening thing, but I am so
glad I am experiencing it. So now, while I strive to raise my
kids the best I can, I am grateful for all they are teaching me, even
if at times I am an unwilling student.
