I
have been putting off writing this for a while. It is hard and like
most people, I'm not a fan of doing hard things. However, there is a
saying at our house, which I find myself repeating so often to my
kids, "If something's hard, that's not a reason not to do it,
it's a reason to do it." They will usually sullenly say the last
part back to me, like I'm sure I did to my mom and dad with their
sayings. But this is something I need to remind myself of just as
often.
I
figured by this point in the year we would already know what child
or children we would be adopting! I wouldn't have thought we would
still be waiting on a referral! This isn't where I wanted to
be and from my human perspective, it doesn't seem fair or make any
sense. This adoption has not gone at all like we planned or thought
it should.
This
post is about all the kids we tried to pursue but couldn't, for one
reason or another. I never imagined this list would be so long. But
you see, I'm writing this because I don't want these kids to be
forgotten. My insightful sister had an especially helpful and wise
perspective. She said that perhaps Luke and I became aware of these
kids so we would be able to specifically pray for them. I think she's
right and if you continue reading you
will now know them
and I hope you will pray for them as well. Read
on to learn about Betty, Chloe, Zoe and Madeline, Maggie, Dotty and
Hugh. These are real kids with real stories and lives, even if what I
can tell you is very little. Adoption matters. These kids matter.
When
we saw Betty's profile, she was three years old and had spina bifida.
There was a short video of her. She wasn't talking yet. That's really
all we knew. We were strongly considering pursuing her, even though
we knew hardly anything
about
her medical condition. But then, we stumbled upon another profile,
which caused us to move in a different direction.
Chloe
was six and living in Asia. She was totally blind, due to literally
not having eyes. We felt strongly about her and were scared for her
in Asia as a blind girl. There was much doubt if her country would even
work with us, due to my blindness. While we waited to find out, we
found a video of her, posted on the website of the christian
residential home where she was staying. I still remember the sound of
her voice! I had so desperately needed that reassurance, as we had
been given old
information,
and there was doubt as to if she could speak. I was
afraid,
wondering if I could safely raise a nonverbal child without sight.
But God let me hear her speak! And then, the day after we heard
that
her country's government would work with us, we were told that her profile was no longer
available and that it had most likely been given to another family,
from another agency, who was further along in the process. Even
though we were told of this risk up front, it still hurt. I think
about her often.
So
then, we decided to go back through the country where Lexy and Jon
are from. We contacted the agency through which we adopted Lexy. We
were familiar with the requirements and the staff and felt fairly
comfortable. We started working toward adopting twin girls, Zoe and
Madeline. Things seemed pretty set. We talked to the kids and Lexy
began making plans as to who would have what bed.
Then, the week after we had organized a garage sale to help bring them
home, we were told that we had not been approved for them by the
country's government. I have written much about that experience and
the grief it brought and still brings. They were three when we
started the process. Zoe is sighted and healthy, all things
considered for living in overseas orphanages. Madeline is
blind and was not speaking, last we knew. I miss them terribly.
Maggie
was six when we saw her profile and
were considering applying to try and adopt her.
She had had a brain tumor, was not speaking and had frequent
seizures. After a lot of internal struggling, I determined that I
would not feel safe, as a blind person being the main
caretaker,
dealing with seizures. I pray someone has or will soon adopt this little
girl. I resented my blindness, which I haven't done in quite a while,
because I felt it prevented me from caring for her and being the mom she needs.
Dotty
is three and has hydrocephalus,
but to what severity we don't know. There is a high link between
hydrocephalus,
hearing loss and seizures. Again, as a blind person, I didn't think i
could safely care for her if she had either of these, let alone both.
It hurt and I grieved to say no to pursuing her further. I don't
think I acted wrongly in my decision,
but it still hurts and I still think of and worry over her.
Hugh
is a one year old boy with a heart condition. We applied to adopt him
but still have heard nothing back. It has been a long while since our
application and I strongly believe that he will be another name on my
list of kids whom I haven't forgotten but will never know. I never
thought I'd even have such a list to begin with.
Please
join me in remembering these kids and their names and what little
details
we o of their lives. They matter. Their stories matter. Pray for
them. Pray that they are safe where they are, that they are being fed
enough, that they are not being neglected medically and that they
will be adopted by
loving
families. Adoption matters.
